Life is a fucking mystery...

Life is a fucking mystery...

Friday, May 28, 2010

4:07 PM

Yesterday's sports carnival was quite fun, given the fact that I woke up pretty glum and didn't want to go to school initially. Our class got thrashed, but it was still cool to be there screaming my lungs out. Especially with yingying the screaming professional :D

Then felt sian again when it was time to go home. But then the Amazing Gwen came to my rescue and we decided to go JP for a shopping spree to lift our equally down mood. And it was awesome! We shared food from Shih-Lin and she treated me to a Gulp. Sorry if the food was too spicy my dear haha.

Then we started our shopping spree. I bought a Adidas deodorant, a degree-less black thick-rimmed glasses and a lilac hairband. Not much, but it felt good. Shopping is an awesome form of emotional therapy, though my feet were killing me at the end of it.. Then Junwei came to join us, and the three of us went to get ice-cream at Haagen Dazs (correct spelling?). Tiramisu flavour was delicious!!! On the whole it was very fun, going shopping with Gwen instead of going home was totally the right choice. Girl we gotta do it again sometime soon ya, with more money so that can buy more stuff :D

It's been so long since I really shopped and I realised that I want to buy so many things! Clothes, bags, accessories, anything!! So I have to save, save and save!!! Especially with GSS, I'm so gonna shop till I drop! But right now my priority is a new set of in-ear earpiece, the one I just bought is spoilt, damn it.

Holidays are once again never like holidays. Sucks.

And anyway I'm glad everything turned out alright! Maybe there is indeed hope in everything we do... Positivity is what I need in my lifef right now. But, where or who, can I get it from?

Song of the post: Happy by Leona Lewis

This is me.

3:31 PM

Why is it that people only want to see things the way they want to? Why can't they stop and think about it before jumping into their own fucking conclusion?

Why am I caught in this stupid and complicated situation? Why is it that you all freaking people just don't get it? This pool of mess that you all have created, you know, IM DROWNING IN IT!!!!! AS IF I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH ON MY MIND TO WORRY ABOUT!!!!!

I'm crying myself to sleep almost every night. I wish my tear glands will just stop working, I really do. But someone just doesn't seem to realise the enormity of this whole damn thing. It's huge, freaking huge, that it's almost covering my whole vision of life. But I can't let this seemingly unimportant thing affect me, I have other things to think of and work on, like prelims.

This whole thing just taught me the truest meaning of a word. SELFISH. It's amazing how selfish one can get to achieve their personal aim and goal, or to do something that they deem is compulsory when IN THE FUCKING REALITY IT IS SO UNNECESSARY THAT IT AL SEEMS LIKE BULLSHIT TO ME!!!!!

And also the way some people spit out some form of untrue evidence just to support their own stand, IT'S FUCKING DISGUSTING I TELL YOU. When you barely know half of the things that happen, PLEASE ASSHOLE, SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH AND TRY TO LOCATE WHERE YOUR BRAIN IS. Oh, or maybe you just don't have one. "I should believe what you said right?" Hey, come on. It's already happening, as if whether you believe or not makes ANY FUCKING DIFFERENCE??!!!!! And you will think about it? Don't make me laugh my ass off, as if you will. Don't bother, we've had more than enough of your fucking help regarding this.

I have to stop everything if it makes everyone happy. That's what all of them want, I'm sure you know that. It's not our choice, it's their command and demand and whatever fucking shit you call that. They will make sure that it's done. I don't want this to ever happen, but right now it's inevitable. Don't blame me if I give you the cold shoulder from then on, I have to do it. Or I'll make myself do it no matter how much I don't want to. The blame will probably be put on me, like I told you. And things might turn ugly. For whatever that will happen, I'm sorry, I really am. I don't know whether it will be difficult for you, but it will be for me. Since they don't want you to be affected, I really have nothing to say. I have to applaud them for their "selfless-ness". While here I am on the other hand, suffering in this chest-high pool of fucking shit they landed me in.

But because it's you, I will let it pass. I don't want you to get hurt and suffer like me. So I hope even after everything, when maybe certain things that are supposed to be only between you and me gets leaked out, and I face the hell-ish consequences for it, you will still be living in the ignorance and bliss that they want for you. Then I will be so very happy for you, really. And if you ask, in this case, there is a why.

Because, love, is the most genuine act of selfless-ness..

Song of the post: My Happy Ending by Avril Lavigne

I love ironies.

This is me.

1:27 PM

"There is light at the end of every tunnel, no matter how long it is. You just have to be willing to move towards it and finally get out of the darkness."

I'm living everyday with this quote in mind. Sometimes things (life) just get(s) so messed up and it feels totally meaningless.. Fortunately I have people around me whom I know will always be there for me. Due to stress and loads and loads of private stuff. Plus a certain sad news that greatly added on to the depression that I get overwhelmed in at random moments.

Night study is condusive for me, cos when I have doubts I can clarify on the spot. Unlike when I'm at home and I get stuck at a question with no one to help, I give up and don't do it at all. And with friends around it just feels more motivational.

Yesterday's walk was nice, thanks (: except for the random group of people. Come to think of it, it was ike a flash mob.

Freaking out for prelims..... I need a break, but there isn't time for any. 24 hours is never enough nowadays.

Song of the post: Cry Me Out by Pixie Lott

I promise, you, and myself, that I will try my hardest to not be depressed and will always smile no matter what (:

This is me.

9:37 PM

Monday: Watched Iron Man 2 at Vivo with Junwei. Fever was supposedly gone, but halfway through the movie it came back and I was feeling damn cold. Even with his blouse and my shawl around me i was still shivering.. After the movie we just sat at the 2nd level outdoor area's tables. Tried to do work but i was seriously burning up. He bought a bottle of cold mineral water for me, and after finishing it felt slightly better. After that we just chatted and all in all it was really.... nice. And sweet :))

Tuesday: SICK but still went to school

Wednesday: STILL SICK. Went to je library with junwei after school cos no one was at home. Felt downright emo with my temperature at 39.2 and kinda started spouting nonsense to him. Like said everything and anything on my mind. And he was really really nice about it.
I can't thank you enough for whatever you did, it was real comforting :))

Thursday: NO MORE FEVER cos went to see another doctor who is soo much better than the one i saw on sunday. Stayed back with junwei after school to do homework. Pretty productive, just that there wasn't much time.
I should continue the silence ya :)

Today: STUPID HUANG JUAN JUN made me cry. Lazy to elaborate here the reason. But THANK YOU RUICHEN and GRACE for being so nice and wonderful and getting him to apologise to me (though when he walked up to me and apologised i just told him to fuck off).
*INSERTS BIGGEST HUG* LOVE YOU RC! LOVE YOU GRACE!

This is me.

2:11 PM

STUPID FEVER!!!!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GO AWAY!!!! I WANT TO GO AND WATCH IRON MAN TMR!!!!

At least already went to see the doctor, so I have proper medication now. Temp was 39.5 just now, WOW. Now is 38.2 But I want to recover fully by tmr!!!

Speech Day's parade was cool, but the weather wasn't. My feet were burning in the stiff black boots. Plus my fever as well, not good. But hey I still made it through :))

Ok I have nothing ealse to blog about, just keep wishing that I will recover!!!!

This is me.

I'm realistic, true and factual.
I don't take too much of a load of bullshit, so know my limits.
This world is fake enough, so don't add on to it by pretending to be someone you are not.
Never expect me to change into what you want me to become. I indulge in the fact that I am who I am and embrace it.
You're beautiful, don't let others tell you otherwise.
Anything else anyone is unhappy with about me, I really don't give a fuck.

▪ ~~Contact lenses~~
▪ See Justin Bieber in person!
▪ Lose weight, be slimmer!!!
▪ A personal laptop
▪ A personal digital camera
▪ More money (which will definitely settle many other things)
▪ A happier family

Gwendolyn
Teresa
Humairah

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