Why is it that people only want to see things the way they want to? Why can't they stop and think about it before jumping into their own fucking conclusion?
Why am I caught in this stupid and complicated situation? Why is it that you all freaking people just don't get it? This pool of mess that you all have created, you know, IM DROWNING IN IT!!!!! AS IF I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH ON MY MIND TO WORRY ABOUT!!!!!
I'm crying myself to sleep almost every night. I wish my tear glands will just stop working, I really do. But someone just doesn't seem to realise the enormity of this whole damn thing. It's huge, freaking huge, that it's almost covering my whole vision of life. But I can't let this seemingly unimportant thing affect me, I have other things to think of and work on, like prelims.
This whole thing just taught me the truest meaning of a word. SELFISH. It's amazing how selfish one can get to achieve their personal aim and goal, or to do something that they deem is compulsory when IN THE FUCKING REALITY IT IS SO UNNECESSARY THAT IT AL SEEMS LIKE BULLSHIT TO ME!!!!!
And also the way some people spit out some form of untrue evidence just to support their own stand, IT'S FUCKING DISGUSTING I TELL YOU. When you barely know half of the things that happen, PLEASE ASSHOLE, SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH AND TRY TO LOCATE WHERE YOUR BRAIN IS. Oh, or maybe you just don't have one. "I should believe what you said right?" Hey, come on. It's already happening, as if whether you believe or not makes ANY FUCKING DIFFERENCE??!!!!! And you will think about it? Don't make me laugh my ass off, as if you will. Don't bother, we've had more than enough of your fucking help regarding this.
I have to stop everything if it makes everyone happy. That's what all of them want, I'm sure you know that. It's not our choice, it's their command and demand and whatever fucking shit you call that. They will make sure that it's done. I don't want this to ever happen, but right now it's inevitable. Don't blame me if I give you the cold shoulder from then on, I have to do it. Or I'll make myself do it no matter how much I don't want to. The blame will probably be put on me, like I told you. And things might turn ugly. For whatever that will happen, I'm sorry, I really am. I don't know whether it will be difficult for you, but it will be for me. Since they don't want you to be affected, I really have nothing to say. I have to applaud them for their "selfless-ness". While here I am on the other hand, suffering in this chest-high pool of fucking shit they landed me in.
But because it's you, I will let it pass. I don't want you to get hurt and suffer like me. So I hope even after everything, when maybe certain things that are supposed to be only between you and me gets leaked out, and I face the hell-ish consequences for it, you will still be living in the ignorance and bliss that they want for you. Then I will be so very happy for you, really. And if you ask, in this case, there is a why.
Because, love, is the most genuine act of selfless-ness..
Song of the post: My Happy Ending by Avril Lavigne
I love ironies.
