Life is a fucking mystery...

Sunday, June 20, 2010

7:21 PM

"Happiness, that grand mistress of the ceremonies in the dance of life, impels us through all its mazes and meanderings, but leads none of us by the same route." -Albert Camus

I have no idea who Albert Camus is, but he must be some smart guy to have come up with such an inspirational and meaningful quote. Cos when I read this among all the other quotes, the feeling was totally different, like "Ohmigod, this is amazing, yes yes yes, I agree with you Albert, I totally do."

Recently I've been thinking; really, just sitting on my personal couch in my room, with only my table lamp as the source of light at 11.30pm, thinking...

-About my 16 years of life
-How many mistakes I've made in this 16 years
-Which mistake do I regret the most
-Which mistake have I regretted but stupidly repeated
-Who have I disappointed
-Who have I offended/insulted, how and why
-When am I feeling the happiest
-When am I feeling the saddest

And the list goes on and on... But it felt good thinking of all these, like a thorough reflection of my life so far. And it even helped me to recall things I thought I have long forgotten, both positive and negative.

Really, the human brain is the most Amazing Organ with unlimited memory space. But it's funny how when I need the memory space for my information on Molecular Genetics, or the Deoxyribonucleic Acid structure, or what Adolf Hitler did to start WWII, or the Rise and Fall of Venice, or the Differentiation and Integration of an equation, or Amide and Peptide bonds etc, the Amazing Organ goes into a breakdown, freezes, and eventually crashes, and fails me.

I'm trying to stay sane here with all these crap about prelims and Os on my mind. Ok, they're not crap, they're the "pathway to a bright future". Positive source of stress, a form of motivation. But too much of a supposedly good thing becomes bad. As the Chinese saying goes: 物极必反. Humans, need a break. So mum, all I'm trying to say is that I know what I'm doing. Don't, please don't, start nagging the moment I try to get a moment of rest. It's the least you can do to help me through this. And get that little b*tch of my sister (sadly) to shut up when I'm revising. It doesn't help to have her screaming, shouting and having fun like nobody's business when I'm trying to focus.

Ok, gotta go back to work. 3 sets of Amath tuition homework waiting for me. And oh god, Bio is really killing me. Last 2 pages on Molecular Genetics!!!

At least I can look forward to watching Toy Story 3 tomorrow with someone... Special? Haha :D

Song of the post: Stuck in The Moment by Justin Bieber

This is me.

I'm realistic, true and factual.
I don't take too much of a load of bullshit, so know my limits.
This world is fake enough, so don't add on to it by pretending to be someone you are not.
Never expect me to change into what you want me to become. I indulge in the fact that I am who I am and embrace it.
You're beautiful, don't let others tell you otherwise.
Anything else anyone is unhappy with about me, I really don't give a fuck.

▪ ~~Contact lenses~~
▪ See Justin Bieber in person!
▪ Lose weight, be slimmer!!!
▪ A personal laptop
▪ A personal digital camera
▪ More money (which will definitely settle many other things)
▪ A happier family

Gwendolyn
Teresa
Humairah

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