Life is a fucking mystery...

Friday, August 20, 2010

10:42 PM

Alright I'm finally back after about a month of hiatus. And since my last post wasn't exactly portraying a very positive perspective of my life, there were actually people who thought I was really gone for good. I don't have the courage to take my own life, which makes me feel really stupid for going on and on about it and yet I dare not do it. *sways "L" with both hands right in my own face* Yes, I am indeed such a loser.

Anyway, a month has passed, too quickly in my opinion. And so many things have happened. Like the weirdest of all things especially. Which I shall not put into words here. English Os Oral yesterday was really easy for me, I'm pretty confident I can do really well for it. Started Chem private tuition last Friday. Yes I know it's kinda stupid to start tuition at like only 2 more months to Os. But my mum does not want me to give up on Chem, which initially I planned to do so. My tutor though (he's 23, really decent guy, and he's pretty cute, teehee) actually said that given my standard I'm able to score B3 to A1 during Os. I totally believe that. NOT. But oh well, the fee is absolutely CRAZAAAAYYY so I have to put in my best effort.

So my weekends are totally burnt out with my Chem tuition (on Friday and Saturday, 2 hr each) and Math tuition (on Saturday and might even start having it on Sunday, 3-4 hr each). I am so losing my social life, really. I haven't been able to go for a movie for about a month plus, which is absolutely horrible. Especially because of the stupid supervised revision class thing.

And the cherry on top of all these super duper fattening whipped cream is that I don't have my handphone because it's fantastically confiscated by my parents! *round of applause* I have to call my mum at least once a day in school to let her know that I'm all fine and dandy. Whether I'm staying for night study or not, I still have to call her to double, no, TRIPLE confirm with her. And when I'm leaving school I also have to report back to home sweet home. Oh yeah, it's way convenient without my phone with me. And I don't feel the least bit sorry that I have to keep borrowing phones from my friends (awesomely great friends by the way, can't thank you all enough). And in the nights and weekends I feel oh-so-not-lonely for not being able to contact someone whom I'm-so-not-missing-and-thinking-of.

Dessert should make one feel happy. But the huge portion I'm having in front of me is starting to make me feel sick. So sick, that I'd much rather be anorexic. Or rather bulimic. Because somehow or another, I will still have to swallow it whole. And wait till I throw it all up.

Only to start all over again...

Song of the post: Here We Go Again by Demi Lovato

This is me.

I'm realistic, true and factual.
I don't take too much of a load of bullshit, so know my limits.
This world is fake enough, so don't add on to it by pretending to be someone you are not.
Never expect me to change into what you want me to become. I indulge in the fact that I am who I am and embrace it.
You're beautiful, don't let others tell you otherwise.
Anything else anyone is unhappy with about me, I really don't give a fuck.

▪ ~~Contact lenses~~
▪ See Justin Bieber in person!
▪ Lose weight, be slimmer!!!
▪ A personal laptop
▪ A personal digital camera
▪ More money (which will definitely settle many other things)
▪ A happier family

Gwendolyn
Teresa
Humairah

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